Becoming Fearless: 4 Ways to Be Bold

The 1950s Montgomery Bus Boycotts thrust Martin Luther King Jr. into the limelight. MLK, then a young and relatively unknown pastor, began to rise as a prominent leader and voice in the Civil Rights Movement due to the success of the boycotts. But with notoriety comes criticism, and for MLK, danger. By January of 1956, King was getting 30 to 40 threats per day—not only against his life, but also towards his wife Coretta and their baby, Yoki. They were being threatened and harassed daily.

That month, King wrote in his personal journal:

“As the weeks passed, I felt myself faltering and growing in fear… A white friend told me that he heard from reliable sources that plans were being made to take my life. For the first time, I realized that something could happen to me.”

He felt like the dam was about to burst. The pressure and fear were mounting. He prayed:

“Lord, I’m down here trying to do what’s right. I think I’m right. I’m here taking a stand for what I believe is right. But Lord, I must confess I’m weak now, I’m faltering. I’m losing my courage. Now I’m afraid.”

Three nights later, a bomb exploded at his home while Coretta and baby Yoki were inside. Miraculously, no one was hurt. But instead of cowering in fear, instead of running away, Martin and Coretta doubled down. The night of the bombing, Martin witnessed the conviction and courage of his wife.

Coretta’s father came to bring her and the baby to safety in Marion. Coretta refused, saying:

“I’m sorry, Dad, but I can’t leave Martin now. I must stay with him throughout this whole struggle.”

Martin, for his part, pledged to speak more, march more, and do more for the Civil Rights Movement than ever before. 

Family and friends urged King to hire armed bodyguards, even to arm himself. Yet, he ultimately rejected the idea, reflecting:

“How could I serve as a leader of a nonviolent movement and at the same time use weapons of violence for my personal protection?”

The courageous way in which MLK lived his life did ultimately led to his demise in 1968. But, those same intangibles, his fearlessness, make MLK one of the most influential people in U.S. history (and a personal hero of little ole me). 

Reframing Courage

When we think of courage, we often imagine these sweeping acts of bravery—the kind that people like MLK exemplify. But courage doesn’t have to be big, dramatic actions that put our lives in danger. Courage doesn’t have to be grandiose. We can find it in the small, daily actions that require us to step outside our comfort zone. By finding ways to act despite our feelings of the moment. Psychiatrist and author, Phil Stutz wrote, “The highest energies enter through the smallest actions.” 

Anybody who's worked in the fitness space knows this to be true. The person who tries to make Herculean changes fails. Those who slowly accumulate small wins end up shedding the weight. 

Small acts of courage are what our modern lives call for:

• Asking for a raise or promotion.

• Bringing up issues at work (one study revealed that 85% of workers are “unable to raise an issue or concern with their bosses even though they feel the issue is important").

• Being honest when you know it might upset someone.

• Asking someone out, risking rejection.

• Sharing your work publicly.

• Having tough conversations and speaking your truth.

When people reflect on their lives, their proudest moments are those in which they were able to overcome fear: sacrificing for another person, standing up for one's beliefs, and choosing authenticity over conformity.

Bronnie Ware, an Australian hospice nurse, cared for dying patients in the final 12 weeks of life. She found that their number one regret was, "I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me."

It’s that old Mark Twain quote: "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do."

Aristotle believed that courage was the foundational virtue. That virtue for which all other virtues can be built. The word "courage" itself comes from the Latin root cor, meaning heart. Just as our heart pumps blood to our organs, courage fuels action for growth. Focusing on developing courage is one of the most important things we can do for our own growth and potential. Dr. Stan Beecham, author of Elite Minds, believes it's not the main thing, but the only thing. He writes, “Fear is keeping you from reaching your potential. Conquering fear should be your primary goal in life.”

Fear-Less

Every morning, no matter what you did yesterday, you'll wake up to two gremlins at your feet. One is named Fear, and the other is Lethargy. It doesn't matter who you are. It doesn't matter what you accomplished. It doesn't matter if it's your birthday, you just closed the big deal, or finished your keystone project. These two gremlins will be there to give you morning kisses. They want to nibble at your toes, and if you give them too much, they'll eat you alive. These are the enemies of life that we all face. (Nod to psychologist James Hollis for the metaphor)

In the same vein, I remember being in my early twenties. I was HUNGRY and wanted desperately to be successful. My friend and mentor, Jade Teta told me, "Look Dan, if you want to be successful, it's simple. You need to be just a little less fearful and a little less lazy than everyone else." That idea has always stuck with me for two reasons:

1. It normalizes fear. Feeling fear and lethargy doesn’t make you broken; it makes you human. Even legends like Bill Russell and Bo Jackson experienced fear—both known to vomit before games 🤢

Fear is inevitable, but it is crucial not to let it lead our lives.

2. It highlights how rare courage is. Most people succumb to fear, so being a little less fearful can set you apart. Courage is attractive and inspiring because it’s rare. As Nate Silver argues in his book, On The Edge, most people are far too risk-averse in their daily lives. Courage lies in the rare space that others avoid. The goal isn't to eliminate fear, but to practice fearing just a bit less.

In our culture, we’re experiencing a “Fear Flu” of sorts. Our politicians, media outlets, and institutions pump messages of uncertainty, doom, and danger into the air. There are little fear particles floating everywhere we go. While there are certainly real dangers in the world, the perpetual contagion of fear causes us to lose perspective and act in ways that make us small. 

Not only are we parsing our way through an airborne fear flu, we can "catch it" from others. Many people close to us project their own fears onto us. It's wild how often close friends and family have tried to limit my life choices because of their own fears. We're bombarded with these little expressions of fearmasked through the lens of "caring" or "worrying."

Fear spreads like the flu. But so does courage. So, how do we vaccinate ourselves against the Fear Flu? How can we become a bit more bold and reach our full potential? Here are four strategies I use to build my “courage immune system” and fear less:

Strategies to Fear Less

1. Nobody Cares About You (And That’s a Good Thing): Whether we care to admit it, most of our fears stem from what other people think. This can keep us from trying new things or pursuing goals we care about. A key reframe that has worked for me is, "Nobody cares. Nobody is paying attention to you. Go for it." 

Research shows people pay far less attention to us than we think (it’s called the spotlight effect). And even when they do notice us, they’re forgiving of our imperfections and mistakes. In fact, our imperfections make us more relatable and inspiring.

This is not to say “Don’t care about what others think!” – that’s an undeniable human characteristic. If you expect that to go away, you’re doomed. The goal is to not be controlled by it. And when you remember that nobody cares anyway, it frees you to take that salsa class, you spicy mami 🌶️ 

2. Start Small, Start Now: I read a book called Activate Your Brain by Scott Halford about 10 years ago. A line from that book has always helped me take action when I’m feeling overwhelmed: “Start small, start now.” 

Like we talked about, you don’t need life-or-death situations to be courageous. Florence Nightingale, the founder of modern nursing, once said: “Never lose an opportunity of urging a practical beginning, however small, for it is wonderful how often in such matters the mustard seed germinates and roots itself.”

A beautiful, elegant way to say that the small actions matter. 

Fear’s favorite food is time. The longer you wait to act, the harder it gets. How can you shrink the gap between fear and action? What’s the smallest action you can take today to overcome your fears? Share your work, have the conversation, or take the first step—even if it’s clunky or imperfect.

Start small, start now.

3. Follow the Fear: My guy Phil Stutz calls fear a “reverse indicator.” Meaning, in our modern world, fear often signals opportunity rather than danger. Author Ryan Holiday’s has a general rule for life: “Our fears point us, like a self-indicating arrow, in the direction of the right thing to do.”

In psychology, there's an idea called "experiential avoidance." It says that avoiding scary thoughts, feelings, and sensations makes things worse. It reinforces the idea that the world isn’t safe and I can’t handle it.

For me, I get pits in my stomach when I know I have an upcoming speaking gig, a tough conversation with my wife, or big meetings (asking for a sale, a raise, etc.). That pit isn’t a signal to run, but to lean in. 

The Spartans were said to have built temples to fear to keep it close and see its power. These temples were reminders to move toward their fears.

Like jumping into a cold lake, you’ll feel the initial discomfort in every fiber of your being. But when you come out the other side, you’ll feel calm, confident, and a bit less fearful than before.

4. Put on the Big Shoes: Carl Jung once said, “We walk in shoes too small for us.” A metaphor, of course, for the human tendency to remain small.

Every day, we have the choice to put on the big shoes. There'll be room in the toes which will feel goofy and clunky at times, but we’ll grow into them. The alternative is staying in your old, comfortable kicks (but spoiler: small shoes give ingrown toenails).

Every day, we can ask, “Does this choice make me smaller? Or does it make me expand? Does it grow me?”

Choose actions that expand you. And remember, courage is contagious. When we see others act boldly, we’re inspired to do the same. So, put on the big shoes. You’ll grow into them.

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Courage isn’t about being fearless. It’s about fearing less. Fear is inevitable, but we can choose not to be ruled by it. As poet David Whyte says: “Courage is that feeling you get when you’re standing on a surface that feels like it can’t hold you, but you stand there anyway.” 

Whether it’s small daily actions or bold life-changing decisions, every act of courage brings you closer to your potential.

So this week, start small, follow the fear, and step into those bigger shoes. You’ll be amazed at what you can handle.