The 5 Communication Structures

I'm on a bus heading back to Austin, coming off an awesome leadership workshop in Houston, and had two thoughts:

1) "Wow, look at how far buses have come." In college, I used to bounce around on Greyhounds where, one time, I was invited to a "meth party." Not kidding. Not exactly sure what it entails, but I can use context clues. Now I'm on something called "Vonlane" with fast wifi, a laptop desk, and a mid-ride beverage service. Look at us.  

And 2) more relevant to our purposes – this year, I've done more public speaking than ever before, both professionally and personally. 

Personally, I've made my way around the wedding circuit. I gave a speech at my brother's wedding and one of my best friends and was the officiant at my sister-in-law's (and brother-in-law's?) wedding. I'm out here feeling like a young Vince Vaughn. 

Professionally, I've done a half dozen workshops, spoken monthly in the Coaching Academy (shoutout), written out a 10,000-word coaching curriculum, given multiple talks, and published forty-something podcasts.

For more than a decade, I've done coaching, training, and speaking in some capacity, but when you're forced to create and organize materials in different formats for different purposes, week after week, you've gotta develop some new ways of working. 

In his book, Think Faster Talk Smarter, Matt Abrahams writes about "commination structures" we can use for anything from keynote talks to impromptu conversations. It's one of those ideas that became painfully obvious after learning about it.

Of course, we all use these little structures that allow us to organize, navigate, and deliver the goods in our heads into the real world.

Musicians have an arrangement or order in which they begin creating. Lawyers have structure for arguing cases. Movies have a story structure. Chefs have structure. My wife, Kels, has these wild structures in her mind that allow her to choreograph a 9-hour dance ensemble in five minutes in our kitchen. Teachers have curriculums. Even flirting has some push-and-pull structure to it.

Structures allow us to remember the brilliant points we want to make, deliver the perfect comeback, and remember the punchline. It also helps our audience follow along as we try to convince them that crispy bacon is ten times better than floppy. 

So today, I want to share some of my favorite communication structures I've been using this year. Hopefully, they help you in your pursuits, whatever they may be. Whether that's public speaking, debating bacon texture, or gracefully declining an unexpected invite to a "meth party" on a Greyhound.

5 Structures for Communication

1. The 3S’s 

What’s it good for?

Teaching + Creating Content

What is it?

The "3S Structure" is: 

1) Story

2) Study

3) Solution

This is the framework that I use for most of my newsletters and podcasts. You begin with a story that grabs people's attention and sets the frame for what you're teaching. The human brain is wired for story -- it piques our interest and enhances our memory. Research by Psychologist Jerome Bruner finds that we're 20 times more likely to remember facts if they're part of a story.

Aside from my observations about modern buses, the primary story is about my speaking experience this year. It provides context for what this article is ultimately about: communication structures. 

The second piece is study. I often do use psychological studies to add credibility to my silly little stories, but the really what we're talking about is evidence – you can use a research study, a tangible example from your life, or, like me, reference somebody much more knowledgeable on the topic like Stanford Professor Matt Abrahams. The second part of your structure is all about the proof you can provide.

Finally, end with solutions. This is where we currently find ourselves in the article. Welcome to the party. Provide a tangible little treat for folks to actually try. They've worked through all of your nonsense about buses, so you have to throw them a bone. Give them something to do with the information.

2. The Big 3

What’s it good for?

Meetings + Networking + Socializing 

What is it?

A few years ago, the New York Times published an article titled “The 36 Questions That Lead to Love” https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/09/style/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html. It was based on research by Elaine and Arthur Aron that demonstrated “a practical methodology for creating closeness.” The debate on the research is for another post, but one of my favorite questions from their list was, “Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say?” 

As strange as it sounds, I’ve pretty much done this my entire life. And not just on phone calls but before meeting up with friends, business meetings, and more. Not a word-for-word rehearsal, per se, but I’ve always had intentions for what I want to say or what I wanted to learn from an interaction.

For example, I just recently met a friend for dinner, and on the way there, I started brainstorming a few possible topics for discussion: 

• Had he been to any new restaurants in Austin? 
• What were his thoughts on the upcoming election (he’s the only person I know who stays fairly objective about politics)? 
• And will he join a basketball league for grown men with me?

Weird, I know 😳. But it works. Taking just a moment before an interaction can help avoid awkward pauses, make you appear as a better conversationalist, and make interactions more enjoyable overall.

The Big 3 structure is about taking five minutes beforehand to pick THREE intentions going into a conversation or presentation -- topics to discuss, questions to ask, value to provide, and the like.  

Before presenting last week, I set the intentions to 1) facilitate connection between the team, 2) give them ONE tool to walk away with, and 3) make it fun (not just another leadership training they had to sit through). So, every moment was guided by these three things and was reflected in the feedback I got.

3. The AIM Process

What’s it good for?

Weekly 1-on-1s + Coaching Calls 

What is it?

When I worked for a company called Metabolic Effect, I was taught their “AIM Process” for coaching. I’ve carried it for a decade now and found it works wonders for coaching calls and manager 1-on-1s. AIM stands for Assess-Investigate-Modify.

You begin the session with data collection (the Assess phase). When I was in health and fitness, we’d start by collecting information like their weight, circumference measurements, energy levels, sleep quality, step count, etc. We’re simply gathering as much objective information as possible. For my managers out there, this would be talking a lot at your team’s KPIs.

From there, you move into the Investigate stage, the meat and potatoes of the call which typically takes up the most time. If the assess phase is about “the what,” then the investigate phase is about “the why.” Ask thoughtful, non-judgmental questions to figure out the root cause of any changes in the data. Why’d their cravings skyrocket this week? Why did the scale tip upwards? How’d the week unfold? You’re trying to find the constraints, obstacles, and accelerants that caused the results. 

Lastly, we’d adjust a client’s plan based on what we discovered in the Modify phase. If stress is creeping up, we might prescribe walking 7500 steps per day. If they struggle to make healthy choices eating out, we’d coach them to have a protein shake before leaving for the restaurant. This is the phase where we give people a tangible plan with which to move forward.

4. What-So What-Now What

What’s it good for?

Teaching + General Communication + Providing Feedback 

What is it?

This one I stole straight from Abrahams’ book. When I train new managers and coaches, I used to teach the first two steps of this framework. 

I’d start with what I wanted them to understand: crispy bacon is far superior to floppy bacon. 

Then I’d move to why they needed to know it (So What): breakfast becomes ten times more enjoyable.

Psychologist Robert Cialdini, author of the mega-bestseller Influence, wrote, “A well-known principle of human behavior says that when we ask someone to do us a favor, we will be more successful if we provide a reason. People simply like to have reasons for what they do.”

Too often, new managers and coaches stop short of explaining why they want their people to do certain things.

These first two parts of the framework are powerful enough, but Abrahams takes this formula one step further by adding the “now what” piece. What are the practical implications/solutions/suggestions you want them to walk away with? For us, we want to teach them to leave those strips on bacon on the stove for about five minutes longer. 

For a less ridiculous example, this article is built around this framework:

• What: you should have structure to your communication 
• So What: ..because it allows you to keep things organized, remember what you want to say, and effectively deliver information to our audience. 
• Now What: try these five structures on for size.

5. Me-We-Thee-We-Me

What’s it good for?

Teaching + Coaching

What is it?

This final structure is unique. In his book, Abrahams briefly writes about an interaction he had with a seminary student. The student was working on putting together various sermons and taught Abrahams this Me-We-Thee-We-Me framework:

• Me: Talk about a problem you’ve personally struggled with 
• We: Generalize it so that it becomes relatable for everyone 
• Thee: Tap into some wisdom from holy text or a deity 
• We: Ask the audience to take action 
• Me: Discuss how that action helped improve your life 

One of the most popular articles I ever wrote was titled “A bad day.” It was the closest thing I’ve ever had to going viral. On the surface, I didn’t think it was that good of an article. I still don’t. It was a pretty raw account of a bad day I was having while in college. I was feeling intensely lonely and was tying it to a larger loneliness epidemic that was brewing at the time. Of course, the article makes me cringe now, so I won’t share it. But what’s interesting is that I accidentally stumbled into this formula

• Me: Wrote a raw version of how I was feeling
• We: Generalized my experiences to a larger societal increase in loneliness
• Thee: Quoted Matthew Lieberman’s research on loneliness, a Professor and Social Cognitive Neuroscience Lab Director at UCLA Department of Psychology who acted as my larger source of wisdom
• We: Asked people to take action: check in on your people
• Me: Concluded the article by talking about how my day turned around after reaching out to a few family members

There’s a saying that “what’s most personal is most universal.” This formula taps into idea by personalizing a problem and then relating it broadly. It’s an interesting framework that I’ve been trying to infuse more in both my public speaking and social interactions.

Communication structures aren’t just nice-to-haves; they’re necessities. One of the many fascinating things our brains do is create heuristics – mental shortcuts to make sense of the big bad world. We all have structures built in, but are they effective? Do you need to upgrade your operating system (like I had to this year)?

Having an effective structure will enhance your storytelling, simplify complex ideas, and cause a deeper connection and understanding with your audience. At the very least, it can make you a better hang at happy hour. 

Alright, time to get off this bus..