The 5 Mindset Switches to Be a Great Leader

I’m in Houston, Texas, conducting a leadership workshop for new managers this week. I love these in-person trainings because they create real engagement. If somebody doesn’t like my psychology studies on Zoom, they scroll Instagram or log off. 

But in person, you can see boredom leaking out of their eye-sockets or hear about how they view a particular topic differently. Although I’d prefer people to buy into the material, have their lives changed, and be called brilliant (Hey, I’m human), I do enjoy this more than Zoom calls because it allows me to pivot before they fall asleep, or engage in a real conversation that causes people to lean in and close their laptops. You can almost see the room trying new ideas and seeing how they fit. This often adds some unexpected value and flavor to these workshops.

One of the areas where I can lose some people and have others shift uncomfortably in their seats is when I start talking about mindsets. It’s in line with leadership workshop lore to kick off these events by offering some alternative points of view and attempting to change people’s thinking. So that’s what I did, and today, I want to share them with you. Below are the mindset shifts to make to become a better leader. Disagree? Reply to this email and let me know. It’s good workshop engagement. 

But first, what is a mindset?

Mohini was a White Tiger at The Washington DC National Zoo. She lived in a 12-by-12-foot cage with iron bars and a cement floor for years. She spent her days pacing back and forth in that box while 7-year-olds flicked boogers at her and smushed their greasy faces against the glass in the lion house. Eventually, zookeepers were as heartbroken as you feel right now and decided to build her an entire habitat. She'd have acres of space with hills, trees, a pond, and plenty of space from flying boogers. She'd be able to roam and get some much-needed vitamin D. 

But the excitement of the grand opening was quickly flattened. Mohini ended up finding a spot in the corner of the compound and lived there for the rest of her life. At the end of her life, there was a 12-by-12-foot patch of worn, barren grass in the corner.

Mindset is one of these terms that gets thrown around so much that it loses meaning and power. But it's something that real scientists study rigorously. According to the mindset GOAT, Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck, our "mindset" is the perception people hold about themselves. And like our dear Mohini, it can have tangible impacts on our behaviors and, therefore, our lives. It's a catalyst for our motivation, a determinant of how stress affects us, and it impacts our health, happiness, and work performance and ultimately shapes our reality.  

Alia Crum, out of Stanford University, is one of these "real scientists" and a dream guest for Take Care Radio. In one of Crum's studies, she recruited housekeepers at seven hotels across the United States to talk exercise. Housekeepers burn 3-5x more calories than me sitting here at my desk typing these cute little words. It's strenuous work, but when Crum asked these people about their exercise habits, most said they did none. So Crum put up a poster that described how housekeeping qualified as exercise, shifting how the housekeepers viewed their work. Four weeks later, the hotels with the posters had very different housekeepers. They lost weight, lost body fat, and saw lower blood pressure readings. They hadn't made any changes in their behavior outside of work. The mere perception of their work as exercise had changed their physical reality. This is the power of mindset shifts. 

But here's the thing -- mindset shifts have to 1) be true (the housekeepers were doing a lot of physical activity in a day) and 2) have to be internalized. People have to choose to believe them, or they lose their power.

The other tricky thing about mindsets is that two people can receive the same information and come away with two very different realities. For instance, look at this picture. Do you see an older woman or a younger woman?

Look closely because they both exist.

Because our mindsets are shaped by our experiences, culture, relationships, and past stories, we can all walk away feeling very differently about a situation. Here's a great illustration of how a different story applied to the same reality creates a very different experience.

To me, this is what makes mindsets fascinating: the power, the nuance, and the uniquely human element. So now, I’ll share with you the five mindset switches I believe all leaders need to make. Like everyone in my workshop, you may experience these differently. These mindsets are easy to internalize and also easy to reject. But I like them because if accepted and internalized, they will make us much more effective leaders and better people. 

The 5 Leadership Mindsets

Mindset Shift #1: Nobody Cares About You (and that’s a good thing) 

There’s a psychological phenomenon known as the Spotlight Effect. It’s the tendency to overestimate the extent to which our behavior or appearance is noticed and judged by others. We think everybody is noticing and judging the stain on our shirt or the mistake in our presentation. 

In reality, nobody is paying attention to you because, well, they’re so busy paying attention to themselves. We’re all at the center of our own universe. This matters because other people’s thoughts are a massive barrier to action in our lives. So many people withhold their genius from the world because of what others think.

The businesses never started.

The music that was never made.

The books that were never written.

The dates that were never pursued.

When people are on their deathbeds, most of their regrets are about limiting themselves because of what other people think. The #1 regret of the dying, according to hospice nurse Bronnie Ware, is “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

I’m not saying, “Don’t care what others think!” I’m saying that others don’t care to think about you (at least not as much as you may believe).

And this should be freeing! Even if you say something stupid, drop mustard on your shirt, or blow the sale, people don’t really notice. And even when they do, they move on quickly.

It’s innately human to care about what others think. That’s normal. But letting their thoughts dictate our actions is not, especially when they’re not thinking about you at all.

Mindset Shift #2: A leader's behaviors and emotions are highly contagious

Sound like a contradiction to mindset shift number one? Here's a bonus mindset shift: great leaders can hold to seemingly opposing truths in their heads at once. Hard work and rest are essential to performance. Self-acceptance and self-improvement are both necessary. It's important to spend time with people and alone in solitude. 

But here's the nuance: the Spotlight Effect is about the fallacy that people remember specific events or situations and actively judge us for it.

Emotional contagion, the core of this second mindset shift, is a term psychologists use to describe how we mimic one another. There are these little receptors in our brains called mirror neurons that cause us to unconsciously mimic the actions of people around us. For example, when Paul yawns in my workshop, the same areas of the brain light up in Sally, causing her to yawn.

This effect is even more pronounced when it's somebody we care about or there's a dynamic of authority (e.g., leadership). The lesson is that people will follow the messenger before they follow the message. Human beings are experiences, and how you show up for your people will inevitably cause ripple effects. Being inconsistent, emotionally volatile, lacking integrity, or changing direction like the wind will cause the same emotions and behaviors around you.

The lesson is that brilliant, beautiful Maya Angelo quote, "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

Mindset Shift #3: Leaders Lose the Benefit of the Generous Assumption

Early in my career, I worked for a small organization where I made a whopping $23,000 per year. I proved my value for the company and asked for a raise: can I get a cool $30,000 per year?

The owner gave me a hard time about the raise. You know the drill—things are tight right now; nobody else sees this kind of raise percentage-wise, yadda yadda. She folded (a bit) and agreed on $27,500. A few months later, she bought a Tesla.

Did I rationalize that she deserves it? That it's her company, and there would be no job for me without her? Did I recognize all the late nights, all the risk, and all the pressure on her? 

Hell nah. I quit.

Right or wrong, leaders lose any benefit of the doubt. It's not fair, but that's leadership. The quarterback will get all the blame even though he doesn't play defense, but he'll also get all the glory and a 10-year, $375 million TV deal.

The leader must commit to eliminating as many gaps in communication as possible. Any void for others' imagination to fill will not get a positive twist. 

Mindset Shift #4: Leaders need to be the most certain in the room

Neuroscience has revealed that one of the core needs of the human brain is certainty – we need to feel like we can predict what’s going to happen. Our brains are wired to be prediction machines. 

But reality reveals that certainty is a myth. It’s that old saying, “If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.” Life is inherently chaotic and uncertain. 

So, how do we square that circle?

People look to leaders for certainty and predictability. If you can be this for your people, you’ll be an extremely influential and impactful leader. But how?

A mentor of mine once told me, “Leaders need to be the most certain in the room, but being certain doesn’t mean being the loudest or speaking with the most conviction.” Creating certainty doesn’t mean being immune to mistakes or being wrong. It’s about being credible.

Credibility is built on the back of competence – being good at what we do – and integrity – doing what we say we’re going to do. A definition of integrity is “the condition of being unified, unimpaired, or sound in construction.” 

Great leaders have this sort of integrity with their word and with their behaviors. They regulate their emotions, embody strength and consistency when the tides change, and lead from the front. This creates certainty. This creates the trust needed amongst teams to work efficiently and effectively. 

Mindset Shift #5: Leadership Starts with YOU 

I've never been a fan of the saying "it starts at the top" because it's usually people who aren't at the top who say it. Not because it isn't true (see mindsets above), but because it's disempowering. One of the most powerful quotes I've ever come across is, "Power follows the finger of blame." Power is the ability to influence people or events. When we point upwards, we're saying it's on those above us to influence our lives. This belief plummets our motivation, dampens our moods, and hurts our ability to be effective.

So, we must lead ourselves first. We must do what we can with what we have, and it doesn't take much. One incredible study gave participants the tiniest amount of control in an environment where people have little of it.

In a nursing home, residents have everything planned out and controlled for them: Thursday night meatloaf, pill number thirteen at 3pm, arts and crafts are provided on Sundays, and all the rooms are the same.

The researchers gave these residents house plans to care for. They had to decide how to care for them, where to place them, when to re-pot them, etc. According to the study, "not only did their levels of happiness improve, but their mortality rate actually dropped in half."

We'll remain stuck as long as we look for somebody else to move the needle in our lives. Nobody is going to give you permission. You've got to give yourself permission. You've got to choose you first. You have to lead yourself first.